So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
