wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
