I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
