Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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