I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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