good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
