you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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