If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
