Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
even my farts smell like vagina
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
