If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
