ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
