i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
