She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
