I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
be right there i have to get my cape
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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