So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
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