You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
