I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
