Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
