the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
