dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
