But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
