Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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