I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
