fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
