my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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