It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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