he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
