There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
