Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
