sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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