people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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