Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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