no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
