Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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