Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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