I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
