my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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