Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
