Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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