Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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