How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
