Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
