normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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