there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize