you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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