so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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