i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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