3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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