So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
