my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
