Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
