Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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