forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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