God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
