i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
