He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
