Duck Duck Cougar?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
