The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
