dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Found your dick twin last night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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