Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
