I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
