hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
