Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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