I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
