i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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