I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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