1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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