god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
