I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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