so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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