porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
