Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
