dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
