Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
